How do we Erase the Negative Recordings in our Heads?

October 8, 2014

I have become a huge fan of Jaime Primak Sullivan, the star of Bravo's Jersey Belle and Birmingham/ Hollywood PR gal. Our paths crossed in 2011, and although we never met in person, we spent a few days back and forth on the phone trying to find one of her clients a place to volunteer after the tornadoes.  She's a little rough around the edges, she doesn't believe in monogramming, and she speaks from her heart and swears a LOT.  But, she speaks her truth, from her heart.  Her morning video blog, CawfeeTawk (that has recently been picked up and sponsored by Keurig) has touched my heart more than one morning lately. She and my grandmother really got me thinking today...

How many of us live our lives saying "When I'm 80, I can say anything I want."  Why wait?  When you strip down all of your material possessions and you are left alone, your truth is all you have.

We know our own truth. Other than God, we are really the only ones who were there when it became our truth- whatever the situation.  We know when we failed, when we helped a friend, when we told a white lie, when we were kind until it hurt and no one saw it, when we failed our marriages, when we supported our husbands when they might or might not have deserved it, when we loved our children who were breaking our hearts, only we know these things about ourselves.  Only we know our truth- every detail of our character- all of the things that we have to work out within our souls, with our Creator,or the Universe, or whatever your version of a higher power is.  No one has to tell us our shortcomings, because most people wake up with those things in the forefront of our minds, and spend the day trying to overcome them to become a better version of ourselves.

So why do we surround ourselves with people who don't support our growth?  And even after we have gotten negative people out of our lives, why do we keep playing their tape recordings over and over in our heads?  Tape recordings that are filled with negative messages that we don't want or need to hear. Tape recordings that negate our truth.  Why do we befriend people with negative, nasty energy because we feel sorry for them and then we aren't honest with them because we don't want to hurt their feelings.  And then, then, we let them linger in our lives for way too long while they suck the life out of us?

Why do we go on a diet or try to change our lifestyle and the first thing we hear is our mother or grandmother or ex or skinny "friend"  in our minds saying "You know you'll never be a size 6 again, just do the best you can." Or..."Do you really think that you can make a go out of writing?  I mean, is that even a real job? You didn't major in journalism or creative writing.  What will you write about?" favorite one from my size 2 Bible study pal, whose surgeon husband is always at the 'golf course',  she actually said to me "You sure are lucky that your husband loves you just like you are." JUST LIKE I AM?  Did she really SAY that?  Can you say this out loud to someone and think that they will still speak to you? I certainly wouldn't say that to anyone, especially not a woman holding a wine glass!

From the above comments, what will stick in most women's minds to be repeated in our heads, is the following:   1.  I'm a fatty and will never be thin again  2.  I'm a failure and suck as a writer and I have failed at everything else 3.  I have totally out-kicked my coverage in the marriage department. THESE ARE ALL LIES.

These recordings are usually from people that we love or care about , or people whose opinion we were taught to value, or worse, women whom we have believed to be our FRIENDS!  We KNOW that these things aren't true, because we've had success during the course of our lives, some HUGE successes, things that some of these recording people cannot even comprehend accomplishing. And deep down, we know that if we weighed 500 pounds, our husbands would be damned lucky to be with us because we know what we have survived with them and how we've come through it all, together.

So, my new course of action is not to be nasty back to the tape recorder people, because that is my first instinctive response that I always suppress.  My second instinct, and usually my course of action, is to smile and rationalize their comments back to them, which is what cements these thoughts into my head.  My new course of action is to say "I hate that you have those limitations and feelings about yourself, but please don't impose them on me."  I have to realize that each of us is on our own journey and I don't know why people do or say the things that they do. I can take constructive criticism about anything and welcome it with the best of them, but for the people whose hearts need blessing, I have a new answer beginning tomorrow.

I'm shredding these tapes.  I refuse to make myself a victim to this stinking thinking.  I am very fortunate to have a wonderful group of female friends who support one another and are always there no matter what. So the next time that this happens, and I have to respond with  "Check that comment at the door and pick it up on your way out",  I am going to immediately pick up the phone and call one of my awesome, positive, supportive girlfriends and tell her something awesome about herself and ask her to tell me something positive about myself.

One comment at a time, I will record over this tape until I can listen to the whole tape again without crying and it is going to sound like a parent holding a new born baby, sort of like this:

"Look, she's so beautiful! Wow, she's so smart.  Look at those strong legs, she's going to be an athlete!  Doesn't she have the prettiest hair you've ever seen?  Those are the brightest eyes- you can tell she's going to have a kind soul and a sweet heart. Look at that precious little hiney!  She has perfect toes and those hands, they are gorgeous!  Those are the fingers of a pianist.  I bet she will change the world."

Love y'all-
Now go change those tapes!

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