10 Things My 87 Year Old Grandmother Might Tell The Donald

October 2, 2016

10 Things My 87 Year Old Grandmother Might Tell The Donald (that he needs to hear)...

It sounded like a freight train!

1.  Being rich doesn't necessarily make you smart, it just means you got lucky and have surrounded yourself with other smart people.  It probably didn't help that your Dad loaned you a few million to get rolling. All of that said, I respect your work ethic and what you have accomplished, but tell me what you know about Foreign policy without being a name-dropper.

2.  Son, no one is going to take you seriously until you do something with that hair.  It looks like a tornado got aholt of you.  Don't you know that looking good is 90% of everything? How can you run a beauty pageant and have hair like that?

3.  Having a trophy wife is difficult to overcome, I know, I was perceived to be one.  People are always judging you and her and they will be wondering if she is smart enough or elegant enough to be the first lady. She married you and your 10 billion, so she can't be too dumb. I'd vote for her for sure, you, I'm not sure about yet.

4.  Why do you look so mad all of the time?  Are you having problems with your bowels? Raisin Bran works wonders for me.  Are you just always angry?  You look angry.  They make a pill for seniors that you can take a night to help you sleep, it might be just the ticket.

5.  You can never win a fight with someone who won't shut up- take Megyn Kelly for example. She can rail on you all day long, so just shut your mouth about it and she won't have more negative things to say about you or her cycle.  If you don't have a period or have never had one, you have no business commenting on menstrual cycles or reproductive issues. 

6.  I noticed that when they asked all of the other candidates about their faith that you weren't asked to comment.  I read up that you are Presbyterian, they are nice folks.  You should talk more about your faith if you want the Southern vote.  And, you have a Jewish daughter, that's wonderful.  The nicest boss I ever had was an old Jewish man, he and his family were always very kind to me.

7.  Instead of campaign messages that last 60 seconds, why don't you just run a picture of your daughter opposed to Hillary's daughter for 10 seconds.  No one wants to look at poor little Chelsea for four more years.  Your kids are beautiful, use them to your advantage.

8.  Be nice, just be nice.  Bragging on your wealth, and your achievements is redundant.  We all know how successful you've become, don't tell us again.  Tell us how you plan to fix this messed up hell hole of a country we are living in and how you are going to get our boys out of harms' way from places we shouldn't be in to begin with.

9.  Tell me what you are going to do when you get to Washington and get the Jimmy Carter treatment because no one likes you.

10.  The job you are applying for affects a lot of lives.  Make sure that you have your heart right and that you are doing this for the right reasons- that you are humble and sincere.  That's what people want to see along with strength- humble sincerity.  If you need a new campaign manager, I've still got some zip left in my step and I have seen every episode of Bonanza at least fifteen times, so I could be available and I might have a few strategies of how to invade a ranch or two if needed.

Somehow, I have lost a year...

October 1, 2016

How has this year just disappeared?

This time last year I was helping my daughter plan to elope to New York City, line up a Junior's Cheesecake for their wedding cake in Brooklyn, and I was booking Broadway and Yankees tickets, all while virtual shopping with her via cell phone for wedding dresses. Through some of my beautiful friends, I  found a photographer friend to meet them at City Hall to take their pictures on the Brooklyn Bridge.  Meanwhile, my husband and I were in the middle of a move from Orlando to Richmond. Whew!

That made me tired writing it, no wonder I haven't blogged in such a long time.

Shortly thereafter, we welcomed the tiniest new member of our family, Miss Mallie, into our family and I became the Yaya/ mother-in-law in residence for about two weeks.  I look back on that time with my daughter and granddaughter and am forever thankful that I had the opportunity to go be with them and rock that sweet, precious, newborn girl as well loving on my Henley Boo.

Shortly after we moved to Richmond, my husband's part of the project he was working on was cancelled.  Within two months, I had planned a wedding in NYC, Christmas, moved us from Orlando to Richmond and then from Richmond back to our home in Birmingham.  It was a hell of a year!  I got to Birmingham and hit the ground running with a new job designing kitchens while my husband's industry took a turn for the worst. He once again was sent to Kentucky for two months and then that project was delayed. It has been a difficult year for him.

I have landed at an incredible company, where I work with people that I feel like I have known my entire life.  I love each one of them like family- I truly do.  I am very grateful and thankful for the opportunities that have presented themselves to me this year, but they have kept me very busy.  I am doing everything I ever wanted to do in the design field, and know that this was a Divine placement because I saw three cardinals the first day I began there- God's sign to let me know everything is going to be okay.

Since we've been home, we've reclaimed bricks from a demo site, we've torn down our back yard, and are in the process of finishing our masterpiece designed by the incredible Rebecca Kinney, landscape designer.   Hopefully soon, we will be having a backyard warming where we will literally have a fire to warm up the yard and have some fun with our friends and neighbors.

To say that I have been too busy to write is a cop-out.  Sometimes when things aren't going like we want, the last thing we want to do is share them with the world.  I just shut down; I quit writing.  I gave up on my dream for a while, because I didn't take the time for myself to do what I love.  I didn't go to Yale this summer for YWC, and I ended up working through the Archer Storytelling Conference, which I was invited to attend this year.  Hoping 2017 will give me an opportunity to re-visit some of these things.

The part of my brain that tells stories and blogs is like a muscle that hasn't been to the gym in a while. The anxiety of sitting in front of the computer right now is overwhelming, yet I know that I have to put something down on this screen- anything. Stella has got to get her groove back!  If you are reading this drivel, thank you.  I promise to bring more interesting content once I get over the fear of hitting publish on this blog post.

Love y'all,
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