Manny panties?

May 19, 2014


Did you know that these existed?  Men's underwear that come up to a man's chin?  I have coined these "manny panties"- similar to granny panties, but for men.
A few weeks ago, we made an evening run to the mall to the local Joseph A. Bank to pick up some new t-shirts for my husband.  Let me restate that, I finally drew a line in the sand and told him that it was time to get some new underwear.  I understand that the t-shirts he loved were really comfortable, and had that Adam Levine broken-in look, but it was just time for some new threads.  
When we arrived, the parking situation was ridiculous.  I could NOT find a parking space and we didn't have much time before they closed.  Reluctantly, I sent him in alone ( DO NOT EVER DO THIS) and I circled the store...and I circled the store, and circled the store, and circled the store.  I could not figure out what in the world was taking so long in there?
Finally, he emerged with his bag of new underwear, and we headed home.  Like any good wife, I took it all out of the package and immediately put it in the wash with some Clorox.  I didn't pay attention to the underwear or the t-shirts, I just threw them into the wash.  It wasn't until I was folding them, that I realized that my husband had purchased GIGANTIC underwear.  I'd never seen man underwear like this- were these factory rejects?  
I couldn't wait for him to try these on, because I was snorting and cracking up just folding them.  So, I said, "I washed your new underwear and I put a pair on the bathroom counter for you with your t-shirt." 25 minutes later, he emerged.  There he was, in the flesh, Steve Urkel as a 50 year old white man! 
When I say that these were some ridiculously large underwear,  let me explain that all he needed was some red dye and a cape and he could have had a  Nacho Libre outfit!  He looked down at the elastic band that touched his ribs and said "I think there is something wrong with these?"  I replied "No, they are perfect! You look just like Homer Hamilton."
Mr. Hamilton wore his  Sansabelt slacks up to his chest. Don't get me wrong, Mr. Hamilton was always dressed sharp and well-groomed, and probably one of the nicest guys you will ever meet, but he wore his pants just "a little" high.  
I know you are wondering how many of these he purchased...did he buy one package just to try them? Uh, no- he bought a dozen pair, so that he was STOCKED UP for a while! So, with his expensive manny panties in a pile, he went to Target and got some Jockey underwear so that the dog and I won't mistake him for Urkel. Moral of the story- make SURE that you don't let your husband shop alone and ALWAYS take the underwear out of the package before purchasing.
Did I do thaaaaaaaat?

4 comments:

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